So, here’s an awkward situation: I committed to working through all of Julia Cameron’s creativity series, and along with it her spirituality series. All fine and well, except that her newest, the Artist’s Way for Parents: Raising Creative Children, by default tags me out. I don’t have children. I made a very active decision when younger not to have children, and for those that read this steadily, my reasons for sticking to that decision are pretty clear.
However, upon looking through the book it does seem like there’s still the same principles of self-care. Since this helps me stay on track I might as well. With two books coming out and one in the middle of a pitch stage at the moment, I need some help staying on track. The exercises look on par with most of the Artist’s Way vein, and most of it is about getting into the right mindset.
To give you all a wide-angle view on what’s going on:
My partner’s company shut down temporarily last spring, and in that momentary void he got offered his dream job. Said dream job lives in Silicon Valley. So here I am, now in San Francisco, where my fellow artists and Pagans can’t afford to live anymore. We couldn’t do Oakland because that’s just a bit too far for my partner’s commute. I’m near the ocean, near a major park, have access to a car but nowhere to park… I’m new, and kind of lonely. I’m also hesitating to tell anyone how I came to be here because the tech industry is not exactly welcome out here, although the housing situation is more the fault of the landlords and less the fault of the industries. Certain techbro disrespect for what makes this place function and the bad, unthinking kind of libertarianism are ruining a lot of what once made this place good.
I have some dear friends that are beyond thrilled that I’m out here. It’s heartbreaking – I will have to tell them this is not the place they remember, not even a little bit.
This all happened just as my own career started to pick up in Minneapolis. I’m pissed off that I have to be the loser in this deal, and I’m more pissed off that this situation, created by outside forces, established a situation where one of us has to be the loser. I’m getting a lot of loving support, but the “it’s so great you’re in San Francisco!” is a really unwelcome and kind of cold thing to say because of that. “I’m so glad you decided to again sacrifice your own career advancement! I’m so glad your husband’s happiness is so much more important than your own!”
Not that these people would know. I have a hard time getting it across that Minneapolis is a wonderful city, that it has everything – even some of what San Francisco has had forcibly taken from it in recent years. Mostly the people that are pushiest about San Francisco’s greatness are pretty dismissive and condescending about the city that’s been my true love since I was 25.
No, I’m not happy to be here. My choice was moral, not emotional, because my choices are always the moral ones. The people that expect me to put on a happy face, and clap my hands, and squeal, and act all excited…they’re assholes. I hope they get hemmorhoids, for expecting me to suppress my emotional truth.
So one way or the other, I need some guidance. I already made the commitment so I’m going to see it through.