Supplies: Worrywarts

Worrywarts are wet blankets disguised as people that care about you. My mother was one. At each new, normal step toward adult independence she would take aside a friend of family member. “I’m so worried about Diana,” she would say. I was taking such risks. She never used the words but she led that person to the conclusion that Diana is so out of control. This kept that person from thinking critically: er, why should Diana be IN control? Why was it necessary to pull the strings on a young adult who did not have any known issues with drug addiction, felonies or even children/early pregnancy to worry about? Certainly the many absences of such things should have suggested that I was making the life choices necessary to keep these things off me. In fact, my lack of pregnancy was a very good sign that I was better than many women where we were from at both saying no and at laying down the rubber law – including proper execution of said rubber.

2013 March - Andy Warhol at Christy's in Minneapolis
from the Warhol at Christy’s in Minneapolis exhibit

Yet somehow, the younger family especially just got so … concerned. Concerned to the point where they spoke to me about my mother’s concerns… without even trying to find out what was going on with me. Often the insane out of touch statements left me too bewildered to respond: “I know you want -” really? I didn’t want whatever it was they said and I had never in my life expressed any desire for x. Yet there it was, an attempt at social control by manipulating everyone she could around me. I was always too nice to say “that’s a bunch of crazy.” It’s one of the more subtle self sabotages around: it’s hard to picture if you know me, but there are way too many situations where I have chosen to be nice and polite when the best response is, “you’re crazy.”

While my mother was the chief worrier – and did program me to do it to myself – I often have sneak attack worriers. On my Divorcing a Real Witch survey: “This release form has x problems on it,” one person said in an attempt to be clever. It wasn’t clever and the point wasn’t even valid – but it served its purpose of undermining a useful and informative project within the Pagan community that might otherwise succeed. It’s the people in the Pagan community that use Jonathan Sharkey as an excuse for being rude to any approaching strangers. “Well after what happened with him …” yet there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that Sharkey interacted with anyone from the actual Pagan community – what he did he entirely made up for his own benefit without exposure to the real people in the real series of systems established. (You can do that, even as a solitary. You should do that if you’re going to form a political party around an ideology you’re basically borrowing for attention.)

Honestly, the more I write this, the more I think Pagans are the worst.