Supplies: 5 Fuse Lighters

Retro Pete's
a messy but well curated antique shop in Saint Paul. Pete also happens to be the name of my first true fuse-lighter.

Fuse lighters – popularly known as muses – are people that inspire you/get you all excited to create. There usually is a sexual energy to it, an attraction: most of the time, you are supposed to use this attraction to create, rather than, to, ah…create.

This particular meditation is great for me. One of the lingering questions I’ve had as I look back over my own storied past is “Why did that guy happen?” or really: “Why did nothing happen in the face of all that chemistry?”

Something did happen. It just wasn’t what I was taught to look for happening, in part because women having muses is still a generally unconsidered concept. Perhaps my shyness with people I’m physically attracted to has saved my creative life.

And I am still holding out for that fantasy fuse lighter, that creative partner that can create with me rather than beside me.

So… my 5 Fuse Lighters:

1. Rob S.

Granted, it was high school so there was only so much fuse to light. He got my started writing poetry – probably to his chagrin. I had always hoped we would get it together but now, from this aerial view, I can see that not having that happen really was for my benefit.

2. Pete

This is the guy that did light a fire under my ass once or twice. Sometimes, I lit a fire under his in different ways.

3. Trent Lane

Trent became an independently acting figment of my imagination. While probably borne of leftover dopamine when I realized my first marriage would never be more than a source of constant disappointment and depression, it was actually a saving grace for me that kept me writing during grad school. It helped the constant highlighting of my educational inadequacies from killing my spirit.

Actually, I think I’ve really only had those three. My sexual confidence as I’ve aged can get in the way of a really good muse relationship. Also, anyone else I might name may or may not read my blogs. There are certainly people I know right now that I have creative crushes on (yes, I told Mike.) I think both of them would be mortified to know. Flattered … but mortified.