I have yet to learn to recognize restlessness as a breakthrough. When I’m in it, I’m frustrated. I’m bored. It felt worse when I lived in Mankato – when you’re bored and in Mankato, unless you have a ton of friends (and as an introvert, I don’t) you’re stuck with your boredom. In Minneapolis there are more diversions. The worse, for a long time, was when I’d get stuck with that restless feeling while I was with someone. I’d want to go dance out – and the people I were with never wanted to – any dancing had to be on their terms, at all time. Looking back, this only happened with people determined to come out the victor in the friendship, those who saw our association as a competition rather than as a means of comfort and sharing. It was always the needy women, the narcissistic ones, that kept me from dancing my way to soul healing.
I’ve learned to be very suspicious of people that don’t dance … and especially those that don’t want me to dance.