The following entry is an exercise from Julia Cameron’s work The Prosperous Heart: Creating a Life of Enough.
It might make for uncomfortable reading.
Often what follows, as a course of the exercise, is personal – sometimes jarringly so. I prefer to aim for as much openness as possible about my past, about my family dysfunction, and about my current health and emotional challenges now. My present as I write this is quite stable, but my past is something of a lingering disease – and there is the possibility that the lingering disease may actually be literal, rather than metaphorical. Money is more taboo to discuss than even sex, sexual violence, or misogyny from populations as suppressed and oppressed as women. What is silenced most of all are the later in life protests of the targets of emotional and physical abuses – “get over it” is in fact “shut up about it,” because shutting up preserves the abuser’s power by ensuring that that person will never be held accountable – that’s what silence does. This also creates a situation where the target’s silence contributes to the abuser’s ability to persuade herself or himself that the behavior “wasn’t that bad” thus enabling that person to seek a high by abusing another day, whether that’s a person or a substance. While it is not the case for everyone, the work I do via Julia Cameron’s projects brings out these memories and maladies – and the scream breaks the spell.
There is also a very positive side to this work for me in that I am a stronger, better committed writer. I plunge into this work as one path to total healing. Most people just want to get working on their art. It works for that – just remember to forgive yourself for what you do to yourself, and stay accountable for what you do to others. That’s really the simplest way to function.
3 Things Worrying Me Right now (note: these posts are published on a delay of up to 10 days.)
1. The situation with the PNC Bureau I’m trying to help out – a lot of people are at the point where their anger-induced imaginings are being taken for fact, a ala “He’s burying the story!” when there is NO past behavior that would suggest such an action now. Good Orderly Direction has got it.
2. My health. I’ve been putting myself through a lot this summer for an undiagnosed/partially diagnosed disease that has interfered with my life for more than ten years, and things that should ordinarily help… have not helped. I’m scared of what’s coming, and I’m scared I might be going through all this again for nothing. I WANT THEM TO FIND SOMETHING, AND TO FIND SOMETHING THAT CAN BE FIXED. Good Orderly Direction has it.
3. I’d really like to have a fun vacation with my friends, and maybe make some new friends. Good Orderly Direction has it.