Money Drunk Money Sober : my rationalizations for ruining something good

For this time period, I am working through Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan’s book Money Drunk, Money Sober before I work through the Prosperous Heart. The following blog entries are in response to prompts and experiences from the book. I see this as an extension of my Artist’s Way work. Some of my entries are jarring and highly personal – any program of sobriety and self-improvement demands admitting dysfunction both personally and in family, and it also calls to admit some painful truths. While not everything I work on appears here, a number of realities do. I have a genuine body of work thanks to my work on the Artist’s Way program, and I can’t ignore the changes the continual commitment has brought about. Because of that, I also can’t ignore what going further into the harder aspects of the program – like facing money issues – has the potential to improve.

View from Montparnasse Tower
taking an aerial view on my behavior

Hm, my most common – feeling unappreciated, hands down. I tend to take poor communication very personally when I shouldn’t. It’s a projection thing based on my family – they liked to selectively tell and not tell things to produce a certain result, and of course the information withholding was part of trying to punish and control behavior. So when someone leaves out fairly important details in any manner even slightly more subtle than a blank email, I tend to lose my shit and will drop projects over it. I read it as malicious when it’s usually some combination of carelessness, being overloaded, and good old being inconsiderate.

If you can’t let me do that, tell me why – if I’m involved in a project, I have to have most things explained with the why, or at least acknowledged. Ignoring me, not acknowledging my communications or talking over me – even if it’s not intentional, I will blow up and walk away. I’m working on sorting out when to do so and when not to (family, yes, after ignoring a mention in the NY Times all bets were off; friends, case by case – some are having technical trouble, others are not conscious of how bad their communication style really is, etc.)

My next is the “drop everything and do this” approach. I need some kind of heads up, especially since I don’t have room in my life for much spontaneity right now. I am aware these are triggers, and I’m trying to learn new ways to deal with them without just ignoring them, feeling mistreated, and then blowing things up.