For this time period, I am working through Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan’s book Money Drunk, Money Sober before I work through the Prosperous Heart. The following blog entries are in response to prompts and experiences from the book. I see this as an extension of my Artist’s Way work. Some of my entries are jarring and highly personal – any program of sobriety and self-improvement demands admitting dysfunction both personally and in family, and it also calls to admit some painful truths. While not everything I work on appears here, a number of realities do. I have a genuine body of work thanks to my work on the Artist’s Way program, and I can’t ignore the changes the continual commitment has brought about. Because of that, I also can’t ignore what going further into the harder aspects of the program – like facing money issues – has the potential to improve.
It used to be, when an exciting project came up, I would talk about it. I would talk about it more than I would work on it – a behavior that got me in big trouble when I was supposed to do a folklore project in the 6th grade.
In the past few years, I have learned the art of selected silence. I don’t talk about projects until I know they’re going somewhere. I don’t tweet them until I know they will be written. I am rare and selective about who I share my projects with, after years of people who pile on negativity under the self-congratulating mask of false insight.
For me, acting out happens in two ways –
1)I get angry about something. I do have a problem with ignoring my own feelings until my feelings will not allow themselves to be ignored, and so I will suddenly cut people off that are involved in the project with me. This does not happen when I work solo. It’s a grey area – often enough the people I cut off are a hindrance to making something happen, even if it’s a project for them.
2)I have what my friend Tonya calls a “quitgasm,” where I’m just relieved to dump a project.
What I really like to do, and what I use Artist’s Way techniques to avoid doing, is the “gottas.” I set myself down at the computer and expect ALL my writing to be done in one sitting. I start in on cleaning my house and expect to be done with ALL of it that day, or to look at ALL the book catalog listings, catch up on ALL my reading – you get the idea. I burn myself out, and don’t even get to a portion of what I was aiming for. It’s why “one small thing” is so significant to me. I can’t sustain the degree I demand from myself otherwise.