Sound of Paper: Prayer on Paper

So, I’m wondering how this exercise works since my chief sane-maker is now an atheist I love her the same as I always have – I’m not about to make my love conditional on believing as I believe as that would offend any god worthy of my worship. (It really goes both ways, you know.)  Frankly, when it comes to conditional love, I draw the line at abusive behavior – if you abuse me, or abuse others, I will stop loving you. That includes family.

The world we’ve created has too much work uniquely meant for each of us to try to gain power by stealing others’ souls. Plus, we all have messed up stuff happen that leads to messed up choices. There’s a  massive difference between being messed up and actively trying to take another person’s sense of self away.

Rose Garden August 2009

Other than that, my heart’s very open and very patient.

I’m supposed to pick up the phone and ask her to pray for me. A)Oh so very not a phone person – text messaging is awesome.  B)Atheism is kind of a Big Deal to her right now. Think good thoughts across the connecting molecules that bump into each other, and into the other things that connect us across this continent?

Quantum physics as prayer mediary?

OK.

Oh, I also like to use pictures of flowers in posts a lot because a)I took those pictures myself and b)I like to use  flowers in prayer offering a lot.

Dear Good Orderly Direction,

Hello my life, my love. You’ve made it very clear I am a priestess, and you are making sure things cross my path to make it clear to me that other shamans, priests, and witches come to you as battered within as I have. You break my sense of isolation.

Right now I am struggling with the thing we call “too much.” I ask for abundance, and you give it to me in the way you best believe I can receive it. Now I ask for your help in allowing my body to catch up – I had a cold this week, and my last tooth surgery, and it has thrown my schedule out of whack. I need to get adequate sleep to function, and I am still catching up on sleep missed and needed during childhood. I am also trying to make sure there is time – time to exercise, time to write, time to do one small thing to declutter the house, time for friends, and time to make sure I can maintain those friendships in ways healthy to all those relationships. Your help in getting me fit enough to do the Nice Ride bike thing would be an enormous boon to that, at least until the next snowfall.

I am again in a leadership position of sorts, the sort where no one really wants to be led and where I must lead them to their own best selves. I must lead them to a willingness to try different, to try new, to get excited and to martial that excitement into fueling their own self-disciplines.

I also need help between drawing the line once again between service to others and in achieving my own dreams. The truth is that I must put myself first. I was born a woman, and raised to “be a lady” and while thank YOU that most of that poison did not take, I have an unfortunate tendency to sacrifice my own good for a “greater good” that then bites me in the ass.

Rose Garden August 2009

My ass has been through quite enough the past three years already, thank you. I would like your assistance in keeping it literally and metaphorically tooth mark free. I’d like to give up to you my unrewarding tendency towards self-sacrifice, and I ask that you replace it with a sense of sustainable vision. I know my dream now, I know it will take years to build, and I know with Your help I can bring it into being.

For now, help me clear the workload. The piles of notes, help me transform them into blog posts, articles, ideas worth pursuing that hopefully inspire and enlighten others. Help me move further from negativity. Expose people who speak ill of me for the frauds that they are – if I were as I have been accused, why haven’t they ever spoken to me directly and honestly about it? Truth-telling comes with dialogue. Let them be confronted and exposed, even when I am not present to defend myself.

Help me also to recognize what relationships are not worth pursuing, where all that would happen is that I would wind up trapped in someone else’s ego cycle. I don’t want that.

Allow my energy to be a beacon to those who would give me positive energy and in turn feel energized by me. The people at Shamantra are an excellent start; guide me to my soul family, and please help my soul family find me.

Amen, so mote it be. With love to the ancestors who came down the World Tree to get me here and keep me free.

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