Sense of Faith: Resistance, Anger and Fear

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shark at Underwater world - pic by Diana Rajchel

Resistance, Anger, Fear – the list

  1. The book in divorce is depressing and not fun. I am attracting attention from misogynists and people who get high off of negativity, making it even less fun.
  2. It seems like the more I work on it, the farther away the end gets.
  3. I’m frustrated by other people casting expectations on my work, both in Fat Chic and Magickal Realism. It’s ticking me off enough that I want to take my toys and go home, even if that then denies me the pleasure these projects bring me.
  4. At the same time, people who ask me why I don’t quit when something becomes a little bit difficult really piss me off. How are these people still alive???
  5. I’m worried that my work will be ignored, or worse, treated dismissively. There’s an incident with an editor that still burns in my memory: I had pitched her an article about an international singer/songwriter who was also well known at Pagan Spirit Gathering. Her response was “While I’m sure an interview with your local bard would be lovely, it’s not of sufficient interest to my (national) magazine.” I fear more dismissive jackasses like that lady.
  6. There are people I talk about in the book who will not like the stories I tell about them. While the stories are all true, these are not the kind of people that appreciate truth as it makes them look quite bad.
  7. Gods only knows what my ex will do should he see it.
  8. What if it’s not academic enough?
  9. What if it’s not personal enough?
  10. What if someone gets hurt as a result of using it?
  11. Do I really have to write about parenting issues? I think those are over-serviced as it is, and my life doesn’t revolve around children. It always irritated me deeply when I was expected to stop all plans for my niece. If it wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t terribly relevant – it’s not like we have a relationship.
  12. Worse, what if I get stuck in the writer version of typecasting – what if all publishers will want for me is the onerous, depressing shit that nobody wants to write even though people need it? I can do the job nobody else wants once, and it’s taken at least 7 years so far. What if they want me to do nothing but that? That’s a terrible career!