Weekly Check-in

1. Did 7 out of 7 on morning pages. I honestly haven’t spent too much time on U-turns beyond acknowledging that yes, I’ve made them. I of course have regret from backing away from projects, and I’m getting better about making myself go through with things instead of backing away.

2. Oh yes, I did a great artist’s date this week – and it was one where I almost U-turned and decided to force myself to continue despite the initial hardship of no parking spaces. I went to Art in Bloom, an exhibit at the MIA. I also have one planned today, a smaller deal, but still fun.

3. I haven’t had synchronicity per se. I’ve been saying more “no” to old patterns, and if I should have something to say “yes” to, it will only be “yes” to a new person or pattern.

4. Other issues: I’m struggling with a sense of isolation, and with a loss of trust. It’s not the first time the social contract has taken a shit on my head, but this one particularly stings as it was even less reasoned and had less lead-to than previous incidents. Also, I feel like my partner  exacerbated the situation on purpose for his own benefit, and he has been the main reason I’ve been feeling both isolated and like I’m under siege. It’s not good. His “wanting to know me better,” requests bother me – he should know me already, and know how to communicate with me, after seven years. Hell, he should have at least learned a few new techniques for approaching me or approaching a disagreement.  That he doesn’t know me that well is a choice he made that he seems to be making me responsible for.  I’m in a quandary about whether to seek out new relationships: all the ones I have are need based, in that the other person needs something and that’s when I hear from him/her. I don’t get the sense people seek me out for my company at all, unless there’s a sexual element – and that’s still need/gimme based, really. I’m going to – if I can – attend a few social events locally, and I’ll be open and friendly if I can. But I will not try to initiate anything. Besides, it’s Minnesota. People won’t even ask you to coffee until they’ve known you six months.

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