Sense of Identity: Protected Topics

 

Protected Topics

Every so often, I’ll get “stuck” on doing an exercise. Thus weeks elapse at times before I make movement forward.  I notice I have a pattern of approach, too: it begins with “Oh, I don’t need to do that,” and then I find myself not moving on and not doing the task. When I finally get where I do sit down and work on it, it turns out that I very much needed to do whatever it is. This is most definitely the case here.

My first thought was “Hm, there’s not much I feel the need to protect.” I have finished the Artist’s Way before, and I’ve done a decent job of clearing out the crazy makers, or simply not mentioning my work until it’s done and any put-downs proffered stem stem from ignorance or a need to seem “smart” by being negative.  Then, as something with the fan meetup I run began to stress me out – and until recently it was a total no-fuss no-muss affair, I realized that oh yes, I do have something to protect because I feel like my needs and intents are not only NOT being heard, that they are being willfully ignored by multiple people. While it’s not a creative project, it has taken a great deal more energy than it should have. I’ve also had a year of peculiar self-discovery, the sort that rattles me and makes me question how advanced I used to think I was, since self-acceptance on this is still even a little bit beyond me.

So perhaps yes, I still have a thing or two to protect – especially in the areas where I’m still developing, more sensitive, more vulnerable. While I’m trying to move myself into a more extroverted state, there’s still a need to go within that pairs with winter and with some developing inner passions.

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