Kingdom of Sight: magickalrealism collage, ages 20-25

coll20-25This is the age at which my demons were released. Family frustrations and frustration at continuous emotional neglect from my family paired with often ridiculous and invasive demands from my mother that had no bearing on what was going on in my life led to me being surrounded by constant nagging issues: my past, my family’s dismissive attitude towards my health, well-being and happiness, body issues that are still with me as a result of my mother’s more controlling behaviors, and a generally unsatisfied need to actually be heard by my mother (which I realize is not going to happen, ever – she’s not capable of hearing me and twists the few things I bother to try to tell her, even doing so last week.)

Even as these demons were released this was a very free time for me – I converted to Wicca (and still am Wiccan) and began to recognize yoga and bellydance as ways of physically working through some of these issues. I also found my groove as a writer of occult subject matter and I did have a taste for whiskey. I still had a passion for books and herbs, and was constantly exploring natural states. I was often solitary, but not particularly lonely – at least not until I got married too young (after pressuring from my mother: re: her total disregard for my well-being as long as ignoring it doesn’t embarrass her.)  All the same, this was a time when I came into my own in terms of recognizing the whole package: I’m capable of very zen creative states, but I have some personal demons to deal with, and they are tough to wrestle.

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