I’ve been putting them off in the mornings, and trying to persuade myself I “don’t have time.” Which is a lame excuse, since I set my own hours. (I do not have time for situations that pull me off a sane and steady course of life.) After a particularly painful couple of phone calls this week, I am reminded not to skip my morning pages or any of the other stuff I’m doing in order to get healthy.
I tried a walk around my neighborhood for a change. It wasn’t safe, so I cut it short. I miss Chloe the sloth. We’re due for a horrible snowstorm today, but I might go see her tomorrow or Monday depending on road conditions.
Unplanned, but when I went to get some glue from Michael’s, I happened on an antique show. I was feeling particularly low at the time, and I didn’t have a camera, but it was odd – every few booths I saw some item of comfort or interest, some random thing either set of grandparents owned. I was looking at this box made in 1920 and the booth owner beelined for me despite several other customers and immediately offered me a discount. It was marked at $15. She sold it to me for$10, and didn’t collect tax. When I opened the box at home, I realized it smells EXACTLY the same as my maternal grandparents’ house did in Muncie. And 1920 is special to me. It’s the year women got the right to vote in the United States, and I believe if I turn out to be a creature pulled from another era, I was pulled from the 20s. My liberal is a very 1920s liberal, with some slightly Victorian elements and a lot of reading behind it.
Issues in Development
I need to expand my social network. I checked my astrozone horoscope, and it suggests I wait a few days (it is by far the most accurate astrology I’ve read, and I try to say I don’t particularly believe in astrology.) By expand, I need to NOT revisit the groups I’m already familiar with. People really don’t change, and while anger subsides that attitudes that caused me to butt heads with others will still exist – and my fundamental attitudes are still the same, too. I can’t change someone else’s attitudes, the controls for that lock from the inside. Partly based on xiane’s advice, and partly motivated by loneliness and seeking a pattern to break, I’m just going to try spiralling out – slowly, quietly, steadily add and find new people and groups, without necessarily breaking from the old ones. I won’t just break with people – I’ll simply find myself involved with a different set of personalities. I can do this online and off.